The Saga of the 2012 Summer...

So it’s been a while since I last posted.  There were many times where I sat down and was ready to write but then emotions consumed me, and so I kept putting it off. 

Before I begin the saga of the summer – I have always heard people say writing in therapy.  And I found that keeping this blog really allowed me to release any frustrations I had from living abroad and adjusting to a new culture, new education culture, and just life.  And when we cleaned items out of my sister’s house, we found spirals here and there where she wrote about many frustrations she had in her life and even just day to day thoughts.  And here I am doing the same.  It’s moments like these that make me feel close to her.  (And I can see her rolling her eyes as I say that!)

School ended on July 12^th and it was a much needed time!  We were excited about what was ahead of us for the summer.  One of our awesome friends – Dana – was coming to visit us in the UAE!  We went to Abu Dhabi early to see a Houston friend who is here teaching and then to grab dinner.  When we sat down to eat, I decided to see if I could find her flight and see where it was at.  Sure enough – it said arrived.  Here we were ordering dinner and she’s landed in a foreign country and doesn’t even have our cell phone number!!!  Yikes!  We told the restaurant we’d be back and hurried to the airport.  Luckily we were only about 10 minutes after she came through customs and so whew….  We went back to Mushrif Mall to eat dinner and headed back to Al Ain.  The next day we did church (no rest for travelers – can’t let jet lag get you!) and the grocery store and just hung out.  Saturday we headed to Abu Dhabi to tour the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque.  It was soooooo hot!  We were drenched when we finally left.  After lunch with the Lomax clan - we drove around and checked out the city.  The next day, along with our Lomax family, we headed to Dubai for a few days.  Our first adventure was the desert safari.  We had a great time – even though Dana was car sick (minus the vomiting!)  And this is where my life changed forever!

Once we got home and I plugged my phone in (the battery died earlier that day), I saw my mom had called and text.  My sister died.  And then the madness ensued. 

I sat in a chair in our hotel in disbelief.  My parents had not heard from my sister and so my father went to check on her.  She lives at the front of their neighborhood.  She was laying on the ground in front of her couch, face down.  As I talked with my mom and dad, we cried together, and I had no idea what to do next.  All I knew is I needed to get home, as my parents needed me home too.  I had no idea what to say to my parents.  And I’m sure they were not sure what to say to me. Such a tragic experience, and those moments are such a blurr.  We had to then figure out with to do with Dana since she still had a week here and was unable to change her ticket.  Thank God Dana was there!  When the chaos started she took the kids, gave them a bath, and kept them in one of the rooms while we figured out what the next steps where.  It was such a blessing to have her there to help while collected our thoughts and planned.  We left Dana in Dubai and the Lomax family took great care of her!  We got some flights booked on Emirates Airways and decided to rush home to Al Ain at like 1AM pack and get back to the airport. Amongst the chaos, I put in the wrong P.O. Box for the credit card and it would never – NEVER – go through. So even when we get to the airport and my dad’s on the phone with the airlines, the card company, I’m talking to my mother on her phone – it never gets worked out.  Our only option was to go to the hotel where we were staying.  I get online and get tickets bought – and of course use the correct zip code!  We were leaving that night!  We slept a few hours since we were up all night and then took the kids swimming to avoid having to discuss anything or face any real emotions of what was happening to me.

The times I did talk to my parents, all I could do was cry.  All they could do was cry.  Crying was natural and let me tell you – I had no problem letting it all out.  So we load our bags into the taxi that evening to head to the airport.  And more tears are shed outside the hotel with Dana and the Lomax family. I was not convinced I was going to able to leave my parents after this tragedy.  Here we are with two cities as home and we might not return to one.  Those tears reminded us of what great friends we’ve made here and how they’ve become family.  It was tough.  And Cole and Caralyn were still not sure what was happening although Cole listens to everything but asks very few questions. 

We get to the airport and guess what – DELAYS!  10 hours!  And then the United staff never shows up to deal with the delays so the airport staff is helping.  They found us a flight that leaves at like 1AM to and we’ll get to Houston about 4 hours later than we thought.  And luckily it all worked out and we arrived home.  Lots of moments on the airplane where my wife and I talked about what’s happened, what to predict, and all we could do was wipe our tears away.  And that moment I laid eyes on my parents, the flood gates opened.   Those hugs were so tight I still feel them today.  All we could do was cry.  Here two awesome people lost their only daughter and I lost my only sibling. 

We gather ourselves together and off we go.  My mother-in-law took our kids with her so we could go straight to the funeral home.  We make the arrangements and it was still hard to believe that I was going to be burying my sister that next week.  I had an agenda now to keep me busy.  Gather pictures, get them in frames, chose the music, and call our pastor.  So the next several days we were at the funeral home finishing up and choosing the cemetery plots.  It was the time for all of us to really think about what we wanted for ourselves.  We all chose to be buried next to each other.  I think this brought a lot of comfort to all of us. 

This first evening at my parents’ house, Jennifer and I had to explain to my two kids that their Aunt Frannie is no longer going to be around. I was amazed that I didn’t cry and held it together. Jennifer was very emotional and we focused on how we knew Frannie was in heaven and how Jesus came to take her to heaven with him.  We talked about some of the fun times we had – like swimming in the pool with Frannie and her dog!  Cole wasn’t really into discussing it and really didn’t say much.  Caralyn asked the questions for a few days – mostly at bed time.

I got lots of pictures printed – and the awesome thing was I had some great pictures from when my sister was in Dubai this past March/April visiting me!  These pictures came be so much comfort and the memories I had to cherish!  I get in touch with Lance, one of the pastors at my church, and we meet him later that week to talk about the service.  We shed many tears and I felt like he knew just the right questions to ask to help us share stories and it helped the healing process being.  I know I felt better when we left. 

On Sunday July 22^nd, we had the visitation for my sister.  I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks (via Skype!) but was texting her the Friday before she died.  This was the time to really come to grips with what has happened. I’m still amazed at how good of a job funeral directors can do!  I felt like Frannie looked like Frannie and it brought so much comfort to me. I was able to sit and think about her and she looked so peaceful laying in her casket.  And the casket was special too!  We made sure it was perfect.  It had a pinkish hue with four crosses on each corner (which we took 3 off to keep as a rememberance) and the inset part that you see when the casket is open – had a pit pull on it.  Anyone who knows my sister, knows her love of dogs – especially her dog, Brandy!  My mom, dad, and I sobbed and held each other while we stood there in front of my sister.  It was as if she was just taking a nap, and would wake up.  In the two small rooms where Frannie was lying there was music being played.  And great pictures being shown. It felt so good to choose music that I think was special to us, and pictures that made us cry and laugh!  And it was interesting, after an hour or so, the tears where starting to stop and we were talking with all sorts of friends and family who came to stand with us as we say goodbye to Frannie.  I had such a peace about it all and I felt like we made the perfect arrangements for my sister.  After the visitation we all went to my parents’ house for dinner.  It was nice to talk to people and catch up with friends we hadn’t seen in quite a while.  Even neighbors from when we were kids! 

Monday July 23^rd was a day I’ll never forget. The day we buried my sister.  This was the last time we’d see her.  All I could do at the chapel was sit and cry.  I sat in the second row balling my eyes out.  I then feel a hand on my back.  Someone sitting there comforting me. It was Justin – a great friend of mine.  It’s times like these we depend on these people who we may not see often or talk often but we know when to be there just so sit with them.  After several minutes of tears, I suck it up and head outside to see the family.  We then go into the side room where we wait before the service starts.  I can’t help but sit and cry knowing this was it.  And again – a hand rubbing my back to comfort me – my cousin Susan.  It  was tough for all of us. I made the decision early on when I found out Frannie had died that I wanted to do the eulogy. No matter how difficult it might be to not only stand in front of the rows and rows of people to talk, but to talk through the tears, I was going to do it.  I owed that to my sister.  I had so many stories to share and things to say. 

We played two songs at the funeral.  The first song was “I Learned From You” by Miley Cyrus and Billy Rae Cyrus (don’t judge – ha ha ha!).  This song reminded me so much of Frannie.  It’s about a child and her parent talking about how even though neither wanted to listen to each other, they realize in the end how much they’ve learned from each other.  There couldn’t be a more perfect song when burying someone.  The second song was a Josh Groban song, “To Where You Are”.   When I heard this song – I was speechless.  It’s basically about how we still feel their spirit around us and think of them often – the memories and how they’re in a better place now.  How we see them in our dreams and we know they’re not far from us!  These songs were perfect. Of course, if we had asked Frannie what songs she would want played, she’d say some Eminem and Violent Femes!

The funeral was perfect.  We were very happy with everything.  We allowed some time for folks to share any thoughts/memories they wanted.  Several did share and it was very heartwarming to hear.    Here is the eulogy I gave: 

A year ago my wife, two kids, and I moved to a small town about an hour south of Dubai.  Before we moved my wife and I were talking about any fears we had.  Both of us said a fear we had was losing a family member while we were abroad.  Last Sunday, my fear became a reality.  That conversation with my mother and father was one I never thought I’d have to have. 

But I also know that many things that happen are out of our control.  And we do not understand it, and we may never understand. 

One thing I do understand is how much my sister loved her family and how much we all loved her. 

I have so many memories to share about her it is hard to find the best ones. 

One of the things Frannie and I used to always laugh about was back when I was about 7.  Dad was out of town for work, and mom was at work.  Frannie was watching me for the day.  Frannie had this great idea to get her friend down the street, who had a permit or license, to drive us to McDonald’s.  So after she convinced me not to worry about getting in trouble, off we went.  As we cross HWY 6, a 6 or 8 lane road then, we hear this noise.  It was a flat tire.  So we pull into the Target parking lot and she has her friend change the tire.  While he was doing that, Frannie was buying anything she could to keep me quiet from telling my mom that evening!  We get the car home, and her friend puts the flat tire back on, so mom wouldn’t know what happened.  And it worked.  Of course, probably 10 years later or so, I told them the story. 

When I was younger than that – probably 5 or so – I was going down to my sister’s room and at that time she was like 12 or so and wanted her privacy but what did I know.  So I attempted to walk into the door and she slammed the door and the knob was lined up perfectly with my front teeth – and there the teeth went!

I remember the many Friday and Saturday evenings my sister would be getting ready to go out, and getting ready in the bathroom and I’d sit on the hamper and just talk to her.  And then sometimes I’d be up waiting on her to get home and watch TV with her to just hang out. 

Speaking of hampers – when I was about 5 or 6, my parents went to visit my Aunt and Uncle in Germany and my mom’s youngest sister was babysitting us.  One of the days Anne Marie was there, my sister and I were arguing about who knows what, and while my aunt was showering, my sister stuffed me into a hamper and sat on the lid!  Talk about shutting me up!

And we shared some really good memories that I will cherish forever.  Like when she took me to Astroworld for my 16^th birthday and made me ride every roller coaster they had.  All she did was laugh at me the whole time while I screamed!  Or her taking me to get my first tattoo!  Our two trips to Tennessee - one for my cousin’s wedding and the other to visit Aunt Judy for a long weekend.  We laughed a lot and cried a lot together.  It’s these moments that I will cherish forever.  I know my sister loved me.  And I am so thankful she came to visit me in the UAE in April.  That was a great vacation!  Never thought we’d ride in the back of a police car in Dubai.  Memories!

Also the moments my children had with their Aunt Frannie. They loved swimming with Frannie’s dog, Brandy.  And they loved riding in the car with her and listening to her music and singing along with her.  And we see so much of Frannie in my daughter.  We always joked that we’d send Caralyn to live with Frannie was she was a teenager. 

Frannie was a great person.  A bubbly personality.  She loved to laugh and be silly.  Many times we’d be eating and her and I would just start making fun of each other and couldn’t stop laughing.  We always made sure we sat by each other to be silly together.  We used to find any opportunity to use Dad’s sayings.  Anytime something happened, I’d say to Frannie, “It’s one of those things!”  Or, “It’s just the way it is!”  And we’d crack up.  I found myself thinking about this tragedy on the way home from the airport the other day and I could hear Frannie’s laugh saying, “It’s just one of those things – It’s just the way it is!”  And I couldn’t help but smile through the tears.

Frannie loved people.  She loved her job and all her coworkers.  She would tell me so many stories about her friends at work.  I know she misses you guys.  And I know how much you miss her at the office.    

Today I say goodbye to a very special person in my life.  My heart is broken for many people.  It breaks for my children, Cole and Carlayn that they do not have a lifetime of memories with their Aunt Frannie. 

And it breaks even more for my parents who have to bury their child.  Parents are not supposed to have to endure this pain.  Mom and Dad – I want you to know how grateful Frannie was for all the support and love.  We talked many times about how lucky we are to have you guys as parents.  How you were a great example even though we might not have always listened.  But I know I will be there for my parents - there to hug them, cry with them, and do my best to help all of us get through this horrible time in our lives.

To my sister I say – Thank you.  Thank you for always reminding me to do what I wanted and not to care what others say or do.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for loving my family.  Thank you for being you.  I will forever think of you and all our memories.  I love you.

 We had my Aunt Judy to read Frannie's obituary.  Frannie and Judy are so similar and when those two were together it was a party.  Dancing, drinking, laughing!  Fun times!  We also had my Aunt Margie read the peom "Family Chain".  Aunt Margie is always a chosen speaker!  She's such a caring and sensitive person and I know Frannie had lots of memories of the summers she spent in Worcester and playing at Aunt Margie's house!  This is the poem:

Family Chain

We little knew that morning

God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly,

In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,

You did not go alone.

For part of us went with you

The day God called you home.

 

You left us beautiful memories,

Your love is still our guide.

And though we cannot see you,

You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken,

And nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one,

The chain will link again.

At the graveside, Lance did something that makes me laugh and smile and even tear up!  He asked us to say one word that represents Frannie.  It was awesome hearing all these people say words like: sister, loving, funny, stubborn, and caring.  And then we put a flower on the vault and walked away.  It was there that I felt like I left part of my heart. 

Each day after got easier and easier.  There were moments where I wanted to cry – like at my kids’ birthday party when they were smashing up the piñata Aunt Frannie bought them.  And the day before when we took pictures with the Angry Birds piñata!  But they also make me smile because they remind us of Frannie and I know she’d love them!  And then the hard time came last week when we said goodbye at the airport and headed back to the UAE.  It was the toughest goodbye.  I already was sobbing in the line to check in the luggage!  But it was expected. 

Our sleep has been quite racked since we’ve been back.  My emotions have been racked too!  I’ve cried and cried.  The other night I had to get up and call them – at 4:45AM – and just to talk to them about how I was feeling.  All I can think about is calling my mom and dad like when I was a kid and couldn’t spend the night at a friend’s house. There’s no place like home. I miss home.  But I remember Frannie telling to see the world and enjoy it while we can!  And so when I hear her voice saying that it calms me. When I hear my parents tell me how much they love me and want me to finish my year her, it calms me.  When I think of the family coming visit us when we return from South Africa this Christmas, it calms me.  And those nights when I lie in bed crying and my wife just rubs my arm and listens to me, it calms me. For the last two days I have been vey – VERY – unsure if I can stick this out and stay.  But today being back at work has helped me recharge and realize that the next 10 months will go by fast and if I back out, I’ll regret it. Hopefully this is the case!!!! 

We start our 2^nd year teaching abroad and it’s nice to sort of know what to expect.  We don’t walk in blind this time.  I am hoping this year is much more successful than last year. And in 10 months – we’ll be back in Houston!  That is something to look forward to – WALLAH! 

 

Dana and the camel!

 

Jennifer & Dana

 

My favorite picture!  We took this when Frannie was here visiting in March/April.  This was the last time I saw my sister.  And that last time was a great time!  We laughed and laughed and laughed alot during this visit!!!

Frannie at the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque

 

 

The angry birds pinata Aunt Frannie bought my kids

 

Frannie and her BFF Chrissy

 

I was thinking a few days after Frannie's funeral I wish I had mentioned her friends in the neighborhood!  They were so kind to my sister - helped her out when she needed it - and I know she was sooo appreciative of them!  I know they miss her as much as we do!

Cole & Caralyn with Frannie's dog - Brandy

This picture cracks me up!  They did this "re-enactment" at work!  Frannie love her Retail Concepts people!  I know they miss her like crazy!

 

 

Whew...what a summer.  But I feel better having written all this and I think I laughed more at some of the memories and the pics (especially the one above!) than I had tears!  Progress is being made!

 

Stay Tuned...