A baby...A widow...A Spiritual Declaration

Jennifer recently visited one of her co-workers at the hospital who had a new baby.  After hearing the story, I told Jennifer she has to share it for the blog.  Here's her story: 

My school librarian had a baby boy on Friday.  On Sunday, I decided that this was my chance to experience the birth of a child and go visit her at the hospital.  She had the baby naturally and was still in the hospital on Sunday.  She thought she might go home on Monday, inshallah.  She was in the VIP suite at the hospital.  When we walked into the room, there was a large table full of perfumes and oils.  They sprayed or spread at least three different ones on me.  To the right of that room was another room that had three large benches and gifts in it.  The room could hold about 20 people comfortably even with the gifts in it.  There was a fresh fruit basket the size of a coffee table.  Lots of chocolates were there too.  There were numerous fresh flower arrangements spread all throughout the whole suite.  As I entered the main room the baby was in a bassinet next to her bed.  I said hello and how handsome he was and I was quickly whisped away into another side room.  Apparently it was lunch time even though it was 2:15 in the afternoon.  I tried to get out of eating but it didn’t work.  This room had a glass table that sat 10 people.  There was an outrageous amount of food waiting to be served.  Her sister made me a plate that was full of goat, rice, and boiled eggs.  There was also a nice salad.  The salad and rice was all I ate.  There was fresh juice, soda, and water.  The soda was hot so her sister sent a helper to get some ice.  There were at least four helpers, probably nannies or cleaners in the room to assist her or her guests as needed.  After eating, I went back into the main room and visited with her and her mom.  There was dessert in little cups that she insisted I bring home to my kids and husband.  There were chocolate trays that came around and date cookies too.  She even had American candy to share.  She was proud of that.  About an hour later I was ready to go but I had to wait on the driver to bring take away trays for the food.  Once he finally got there with the trays, I was told to go in the room and get some food for my family.  I made one with a salad and one with rice and goat.  I knew the salad would get eaten.  No neighbors wanted the goat and rice.  She did not like the decorations of the room so she had curtains made.  She rented silver chairs and had those for visitors to sit in.  She also had a matching comforter set made for the baby and her.  It was like nothing I have ever seen before.  So glad I went.  I think it was special for both of us.  I have been told that they will have a viewing of the baby at their house too.  I hope I can get an invite to that. 

 

These little items were given out to the visitors at the hospital.

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Something I learned this week was about funerals.  A student and I were talking about this tradition called “nine nights” in Jamaica.  He’s doing a research paper about the culture of Jamaica and needed help summarizing some information he read but didn’t quite understand (a moment that is rare here!).  In Jamaica they have a wake for 9 nights when someone dies.  On the 9^th night , they have the funeral.  So that led to me asking some questions about Muslim funerals.  I was telling him how a typical American wake/funeral went.  Then I was asking him if what I knew about Muslim funerals was accurate.  He tells me this:  When a Muslim dies, it is typical to bury then within 2 days.  He said if they have to travel then a week is okay.  For example (just he says this all the time – For example…) if he died, his parents would bring him back to Sudan for burial and would need more time than just 2 days.  Then he said they just bury straight into the ground.  Then we got talking about the women and when her husband dies she has to stay home for around 4 months.  She shouldn’t leave her home.  She stays home and mourns.  He said after the 4 months passes, she can go out and marry again.  Not before.  I asked what happened when if a man’s wife dies. He said he just goes on with life but doesn’t have to stay home for the 4 months.  I think the women even stays home from work for 4 months too.  I asked him why and he said he doesn’t know – that he’s not interested in marriage so he doesn’t worry about it.  And he grins and get back to work.

In other news…I was reminded today how confused, sad, and distant I felt at the end of August when we arrived back here in the UAE. While the homesickness bug has always bitten me, this time it was the WORST!

I wasn't sure what I was doing so far away from home. Why did we leave our families and start some new life here in the Middle East. Even though I was able to easily remind myself of the reasons we moved here, at this point in this experience I was 200% regretting continuing it. For what seemed like eternity (which was probably 4-5 nights in reality), I spent nights sleeping an hour here and an hour there. Sleeping in between tears, in between phone calls back to America with friends and family, and in between talking things through with my wife. Looking back on that time seems so odd and foreign to me.

Every night Jennifer and I would pray for everything that was bothering me, and praying that God would bring me through these issues that were making me crazy!

And while I've never been an outspoken spiritual person - I know God and I know that God is always in control . And when life feels as though it is falling apart, God is still in control. When I had to come to grips with the fact that I lost my sister, I still knew God was in control. And while I couldn't give my kids any answers to, "Why God felt like it was Frannie's time", I just know His time is His time, whether we are ready or not.

I surely was not ready. I just knew that we'd be old siblings making fun of our elderly parents and their crazy mannerisms that most elderly people develop. But God is in control and I won't have that opportunity.

But I do know that thanks to God I was able to get out of that slump that I was certain would drive me back home in September. Thanks to God my parents were able to travel and spend Time with us over New Years! And thanks to God this trimester has been the easiest one - with 2/3 of my students actually cooperating and being somewhat manageable! And thanks to God while I still miss my sister and parents dearly, I have been able to not let any sadness consume me to the point where I lose sleep, or get into another slump.

Today two things reminded me of all this. At church we were singing, "you are an everlasting God....An everlasting God....you do not faint....you won't grow weary." And then one of the leaders of worship was sharing that when she was at this conference in Lebanon, the leader there was saying the well-known phrase, "God is good!" And the people respond, "All the time"! And then she said the leader asked, "But what about when it feels like God is not good?" And this took me right back to that long international flight home where you're stuck in this brick of a seat, surrounded by snoring people, kids slumped all over you sleeping, flight attendants who are tired of dealing with grouchy passengers, movies you aren't interested in, and then your mind takes over. I sat there that day questioning why this was happening to me. Questioning why this was happening to my parents. Questioning why we didn’t have time to really say goodbye like so many others get to do with their loved ones. But then I remind myself that God is in control, and even though my family was falling apart, God is still good. I think maybe (when I am able to convince myself of it) it was better to have a sudden death than watching someone suffer as they wither away. None are easy but surely one is the lesser of two evils. Either way - God is Good.  God is still in control. 

Here are a few pics of various things....

 

We always get so excited when we see camels in trucks!

Caralyn siting like a lady - singing her some music. 

I'm sure she was singing Wilson Phillip's "Hold On".  She always asks to hear that song now.

We've all been reading in the evening before bedtime.

Some are more interested than others.

 

Stay Tuned...